Natural Enemies

I don't know what it is about wild fowl, but somehow the gods have decided that we are natural born enemies. Birds, for whatever reason, feel the need to attack me. I don't provoke them; I try to give them wide berth, but they find me anyway. Find me, and attack me.

Lest you think I am joking, let me give you a few examples of what I am talking about. Example #1: Rewind about six years to the campus of Northwestern College. A friend and I decided to play hooky and take a walk down around the lake. We crossed a bridge and wound our way down to the shoreline when we started hearing this far off honking noise. The noise got louder and louder and I turned just in time to see a Canadian goose flying directly at me. All I saw was a tiny little head, two huge wings, and two beady little eyes that were zeroed in on me. I turned just in time and ran off, backpack flapping up and down on my back.

Example #2: Fast forward a few years and picture the Allen farm in Ogallala. Doug (patriarch of the Allen farm) decided that it would be a good idea to buy some geese. Although I questioned his purchase, he said that geese are good because they eat the thistles that get stuck in everyone's shoes, animal's paws, and people's feet. Knowing the dreaded creatures were always lurking around, I was on guard every time I was outside. One time, though, they caught me off-guard. A crop duster was flying overhead and I turned up to view the low-flying plane. Seeing that my attention was otherwise occupied, the geese (all three) spread their wings and ran me. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and took off running. These geese couldn't fly yet, but that didn't stop them. Wings raised, heads down, beaks open, these geese were hissing and chasing me. I ran to the house and had one of those moments you see in the movies when someone is fumbling with the doorknob trying to get in before the murderer grabs them. Finally I got in the house and was safe. They stood at the window and honked at me.

Example #3: The other day I was driving on the highway. I saw the traffic ahead slowing and so I adjusted my speed as well. As my car crept forward, wouldn't you know it but four wild turkeys decided to cross the highway directly in front of me. I thought, "You suckers aren't going to get me this time. I'm in a car; car trumps turkey," and started honking my horn to hurry them along. Three of them passed without incident, but the last one turned his head. We made eye contact. I honked my horn some more and this bird turned toward me and pecked my hood!

Needless to say, I have a healthy fear of wild fowl.